First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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