I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
