Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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