She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
