I can't watch pbs sober anymore
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
