first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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