my mouth tastes like poor choices
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
