By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
