Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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