dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
