She said her name was "party"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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