Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
