And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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