Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
