why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
