Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
