when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
