If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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