i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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