Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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