This is not my ceiling
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
