I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
