he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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