How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
