so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
