We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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