I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
