i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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