wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hippo gnu deer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
