I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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