yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
