Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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