dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
