I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
