You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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