I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
