I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
