Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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