My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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