Im at strip club and am horny
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
