i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
