Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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