So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
