And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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