Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
