Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
