In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
