I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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