1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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