i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
