If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
